Dot Your Eyes and Cross Your Tees
Dot Your Eyes and Cross Your Tees
It's not what you think it is
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Dear Bolu,
A while ago, I had a thought about a little thing—a trifle. And there is none better to share it with than you, hence this letter. In fact, there is none else to share it with other than you. That's not necessarily a compliment, of course. Perhaps you are blind to things you should be wide-eyed to. Ah, well.
It is, indeed, a trifling thought and I emphasize its triviality purposefully. It is not one of those tiny ideas that start as a thought and morph into a grand scheme, an elaborate plot, or a sweeping left-wing movement. It's a thought that is more likely to perish than survive a few minutes in your head.
Nonetheless, this thought thrives in my head—at least well enough for me to feel responsible for telling it to the world. Perhaps, and truly I hope, it will take root in the minds of others as it has in mine. But whether it withers like sun-starved greens or blossoms like a certain Powerpuff girl when I dispense it, I'd be just as fine. I'd be good.
Now, if your attention to detail is anything to go by, you've probably guessed from the title of this letter, what this thought is all about. And your guess is probably right. It's a popular expression which I'm sure you've heard at least once.
"Dot your eyes and cross your tees".
I know, it's not exactly written that way but I feel more comfortable writing "eyes" and "tees" than "i's" and "t's". Cut an old fella some slack, will you? I'd rather not add AutoCorrect's exuberance and desperation to make sense of my words to the misery that is already, life. So, in this letter, by "eyes", I refer to "i's" rather than the pair of sense organs that give you visual prowess. Similarly, by "tees", I speak of "t's" and not the piece of clothing girlfriends are often accused of stealing from their boyfriends.
"Dot your eyes and cross your tees".
Without a doubt, you know what the expression means as well as I do. I can still recall moments in the middle of an exam—actually it happened towards the end of the exam and not exactly in the middle, but when people say middle, they don't mean middle, do they? They don't split the period of an event into two halves and refer to the fraction of a second that separates both halves, do they? If they do, then I've been doing the wrong thing forever ago, and I shall truly be embarrassed.
Yes, I can recall moments towards the end of an exam or a test where Mr. X (name withheld for privacy reasons) would alert test takers of the time left for us to turn in our work. He would use the phrase, "Dot your eyes and cross your tees", and you could sense it made him feel good. There's something about speech that makes a man take pride in himself when he says things a certain way.
Without even thinking about it, it is easy to make sense of the interpretation of the phrase. There is some level of familiarity between us and this expression, and when two parties are this deeply in bed with one another, it's hard for one to challenge the other. It's why deeply rooted and questionable dogmatic ideas often escape the scrutiny of even the more suspicious souls among us.
Anyway, I took a step back from my relationship with the phrase. I needed to see it for what it truly was, rather than what I have—and we all have—been made to believe from the cradle. Difficult it was, but courage did not elude me. It had to be done, and I accepted the challenge.
Once I examined the phrase with a bit more care, it became pretty obvious that it was all nonsense. Can one dot an eye and cross a tee? Yes. But does one want to dot an eye and cross a tee? No! And the reason is simple. By definition, an eye is already dotted. So if you dot an eye, you have effectively double-dotted it. And there's no such letter as a double-dotted eye in the letters of the alphabet.
Similarly, a tee is already crossed—not crossed as in angry, of course. It would take some level of insanity to ascribe such depth of emotion to letters. A tee is, by definition, crossed. So if you were to cross a tee, you'd end up double-crossing it. And you don't want to do that because it will speak bad of you—betraying a letter—plus there's nothing like a double-crossed tee!
So you see, my distant friend; "Dot your eyes and cross your tees" is just nonsense. Doing so leaves you with 28 letters of the alphabet and that's quite mad. There goes my trifling thought. Of course, I don't hope to campaign against the use of the phrase. Although it isn't exactly a rational expression, I doubt it has harmed anyone.
Still, I now find myself reluctant to use this popular phrase. And I feel a bit sad when I hear it from the mouth of others. If only they would take a step back and assess the expression for what it is rather than what it is purposed to be, they would see the light as I have. And they would be thankful they did.
Fin.
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Write you soon, merci !
- Wolemercy